Secrets Can Kill
by Benson88
Summary: Olivia picks up an awful habit to keep a deadly secret from her partner.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

She lay in her bunk at the precinct looking up at the ceiling, trying to wish away that nasty hang over, but nothing worked. Before she knew it, she heard the door open up.

"Liv?" said Elliot.

"Yeah?" she shot up quickly, trying to hide her problems from him.

" We need to talk."

She frowned a little and said "Alright, about the case?"

"Yes, and no." He sat down next to her. "Look, I can tell something has been bothering you the past week, what's going on?"

She sat back a little and shook her head "Nothing Elliot, I've told you that."

"I know you're lying, it's not like you to be so distracted that it keeps you from working a case." He said impatiently.

"Elliot, I can handle it. I can take care of myself." She said standing up.

"I know you can, but I'm your partner…"

"I get that Elliot, but just back off." Olivia said grabbing her coat and leaving the room.

Elliot sighed angrily, getting frustrated that Olivia is obviously keeping something from her.

Later that night as Elliot stayed late at work to work on all the paperwork that has been piling up, Olivia went out to take a break from all the stress. She went out the liquor store and bought another bottle of booze. Again, disappointed in herself, she sat over in Central Park and drank away the thoughts of her secret that she couldn't bare tell anyone. Not even her partner, the person she trusted the most in her life. She wanted to tell him so badly so that things could go back to normal, but she couldn't, she wouldn't dare ruin his life, or do anything to hurt him.

About two hours later she stumbled back into the precinct to see Elliot at his desk.

"There you are…I was starting to get worried." Elliot said.

"Suuuuure you were." She said practically falling into her chair.

Elliots eyes widened a little bit. "Well, um, I got a jump start on tomorrow's paper work so that we won't have to do this tomorrow."

Olivia scoffed "Great, now I won't have to stay in this dump a minute longer." She slurred grabbing her coat again.

Elliot squinted a little and stood up with her. "Olivia, are you drunk?"

"What's it to ya." She said trying to walk away.

He grabbed her arm tightly and spun her around to face him. "Let me smell your breath. Now."

She pouted a little "No. You can't make me"

"Liv, what has gotten into you!" He said talking a hold of her shoulders.

"Nothing, just let me go home." Olivia stumbled and grabbed her keys in an attempt to get away from the situation.

"There's no way in hell you're driving anywhere." Elliot grabbed the keys from her and put them in his pocket. "I'll drive you. Go get in the car, I'll be there in a minute." He said in a quite and a disappointed manner.

Chapter 2 coming soon if I get good reviews!


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

They pulled up to her house and he unbuckled her belt for her. She opened up the car door and walked up to her house. Elliot took her keys and opened the door to her house.

"Thank you, you have to go now." Olivia said guarding the door.

"What?"

"Just go, I'll see you tomorrow…" Olivia slurred.

"But-"

Before Elliot could get a word out, Olivia quickly slipped in and shut the door in his face. Elliot just stood in shock, completely confused as to why someone he's known for 13 years could act so out of character. Of course he didn't want to leave her like that, but after all, she was home safe and she said she'd be in at work in the morning. So he left it at that and drove home still thinking about Olivia.

Olivia stood at her door, putting her hand over her mouth and starting to sob quietly into her hand. She slid down her door and sat on the floor just taking everything in. She couldn't handle this anymore. She lay frozen on the ground just allowing the alcohol to take over her mind and body, letting the tears roll down her porcelain cheeks.

"_We knew you would do this…_"

"Shut up!" Olivia said covering her ears quickly. "Leave me alone…please…no more." She begged.

"_Get up and go to the kitchen."_

"I won't…" Olivia got up quickly and headed to her bedroom in a drunken state, lying on her bed praying she could get to sleep instantly. Luckily, Olivia was able to pass out in only 5 minutes thanks to the alcohol, but she knew that this was only temporary. She had to tell Elliot tomorrow…she couldn't live like this one more day. But what will Elliot say when she tells him that she has…

Sorry for the short chapter, but just wanted to get something out there! More soon.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

But what will Elliot say when she tells him that she has Schizophrenia.

The next afternoon, Elliot came over to Olivia's house because she never came into work. He knew something had to be wrong because Olivia has never missed a shift in 13 years. He drove over to her house and instead of knocking, he decided to just walk in and see for his own eyes if everything was okay. The moment Elliot Stabler stepped into the house, it reeked of alcohol. He made a face at the intensifying smell and kept searching through her house, trying to find a hint of what could be wrong. He couldn't find anything.

He made his way slowly into Olivia's bedroom and found her there lying on top of the covers, still in last nights clothing.

"Liv?" Elliot said, while gently shaking her shoulder. He frowned a little and continued to try and wake her from her deep sleep.

"Liv…?" He reached for her arm and took her pulse, it was really low and she was barely breathing. "Jesus…"

Elliot sprang into action and pulled out his phone. "This is Elliot Stabler to portable, I need a bus at 4592 Brooklyn Avenue, and hurry, we have a cop down." Elliot tossed his phone on the bed and quickly kept trying to awaken the unresponsive Olivia.

The impatient Detective Stabler paced in the waiting room of the hospital like a nervous husband. Never in his wildest dreams would he ever have thought this would happen to Olivia, he had no idea that he could worry this much over her…

"Detective Stabler?" Said a doctor wearing white, coming out of Olivia's room.

"Yes." He said quickly.

"Ms. Benson is going to be okay…" The doctor said calmly.

"Then what happened?" Elliot said a little less tense.

"It seems that Ms. Benson drove herself into an alcohol poisoning spiral. Were you aware that she could be considered an alcoholic? By what we have examined, she has consumed too much alcohol for her system to handle, and by the looks of it, her system can't take another drop.

Elliot frowned; he was completely unaware of the danger Olivia has been putting herself through. He didn't know whether to be furious with her or upset. Either way, he walked into her room quietly and shut the door behind him.

"Olivia?" He said to her, standing by her bed.

"Hey, El…" She said looking up to him with her sad brown eyes.

He simply shook his head, not knowing where to begin.

"You scared me…" Was all that he could muster up the courage to say at this point.

She looked down at her hands "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to."

"You have to tell me what's going on, Liv. If you don't, you can't come back to work…"

She got a little tearful and looked away. "I can't, El. Please, I can handle this on my own. Just trust me okay?"

"Trust you?" He said. "You came to the precinct drunk last night, Liv! I had to drive you home and put your damn seatbelt on because you couldn't figure out how! I can't see you like that again, and certainly not because you're upset. So either tell me what's going on or I'm walking out the door." He pointed towards the door angrily.

Olivia sat in silence, debating on which move to take next. "It's nothing, I promise you. I don't need help, you know me Elliot."

Elliot simply shook his head and walked out the door…

More to come soon!


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

The next day, Olivia was sent home from the hospital. She went home to her apartment with her head hung low, disappointed in herself. She had never thought this would happen, and that she would deal with something so poorly. When she sat down on her couch, her cellphone started to ring.

"Hello?"

"Liv, you need to get down to the office, we got a break on the case." Said Elliot.

"Oh…alright I'll be there in a minute." Olivia hung up and quickly drove over to the precinct.

"Hey, what happened?" She said seeing Elliot.

"They got the perp trying to get on a plane to Cancun."

"Wow, is he ready for questioning?"

"Yeah, let's go." Elliot said, leading the way.

They made their way into the room where the perp was being held and they sat down across from him.

"Well, what made you think you could get on to a plane to Cancun? Did you not think we would search every airport?" Elliot said folding his hands together on the table.

Greg, the perp, looked away from Elliot and just shook his head angrily.

"No answer, huh?" Elliot stood up and started to pace around him, keeping an imitating gaze down on him.

Greg shook his head "I didn't do anything."

"Then why'd you run?" Olivia stood up as well and began to walk around him.

"Because I was scared! You people wouldn't get off my back!"

"And why do you think that is, Greg?" Elliot leaned down next to his face.

While Elliot grilled the perp some more, Olivia looked out the window as she thought she heard a whisper. Slowly, the sounds of Elliot yelling were faded out of her mind, and it was like she was transferred into a whole new world.

"_Kill…"_

"No no no." Olivia said panicking. She covered her ears and shut her eyes tightly.

"_Kill him!"_

Olivia starting pacing around the room, she accidently bumped into Elliot. Causing Elliot to turn his attention to her. By now, Greg and Elliot were both just staring at her in silence, not really sure what to do. Before they knew it, Olivia was yelling at the top of her lungs at someone to leave her alone, and before Elliot could grab her, Olivia grabbed a chair and threw it at the window, smashing it to a million pieces.

"Olivia!" Elliot quickly took action and grabbed her from behind, picking her up as she kicked around.

"Put me down!" She screamed and kicked. Quickly, Captain Cragen ran in with a group of police officers to grab Olivia and sedate her. One Policeman took Olivia from Elliot and the other was able to shove a needle into her arm, and slowly but surely Olivia was limp.

Elliot stood in complete silence and shock, looking at Olivia like a protective father that can't do anything to help. He didn't understand what was happening, but he knew this was about to change everything…


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Olivia was laid in the bunkroom of the precinct with someone to keep an eye on her until she woke up. Elliot instantly volunteered to be the watchful eye over his partner. Captain Cragen told Elliot he and Olivia can take the next few days off to figure out everything, and he would give their case to Munch and Fin. Detective Stabler agreed to that and sat next to Olivia for over 2 hours, then figured he should probably talk to the psychiatrist to see if they can tell what has been bothering Olivia.

As Elliot left the bunkroom, Olivia started to wake up groggily. She remembered everything that had happened, but was curious as to why she was here and not in a hospital bed. Either way, she quickly got up, grabbed her keys and went straight to her car. She knew Elliot wouldn't be safe if she was anywhere around, so the safest place for her to be was at her own apartment, away from everyone. She got into her apartment and slammed the door, locking it behind her.

Elliot came back to the bunk and saw Olivia out of bed.

"Liv?" He said looking over at the empty bed. "Olivia?" Elliot looked around everywhere, and then looked outside. "Captain did you see Liv leave?"

"No, I didn't see anything."

Elliot sighed and grabbed his keys and his coat, quickly making his way to her apartment, knocking on the door rather loud.

"Liv, I know you're home, answer the door."

"Elliot please just go, I'm begging you."

"No. You and I both know I'm just as stubborn as you are. I'm not leaving."

She sighed knowing he was right and opened the door.

"El, I'm fine, accidents happen okay? I'm just gonna rest up and I'll be back to work tomorrow."

"No Liv, it doesn't work like that." Elliot stepped into the apartment and shut the door. "I know what I saw wasn't normal. I'm not leaving until I have answers, or until I know you're safe and out of harms way."

"So what are you saying?" She said.

Elliot slowly took his coat off and threw it on the couch. "Looks like I'm living here until this is over."

She squinted at him "You can't be serious."

"But I am."

"Come on El, don't do this."

"Liv, you're my partner, for better or worse. And this is one of the times where you're going to have to trust me and let me help you. Now Cragen said he'd give us a few days off. So we have a few days to work out these problems and then we can get back to work. Okay?"

"Okay…" She said hesitantly.

"So are you going to tell me what happened back there, or is it going to take a lot of effort to get you to talk with me?"

She shrugged and went into the kitchen. She put a pizza in the oven and set it to cook for 30 minutes.

"We're having pizza?" Elliot said.

"Yeah, problem?"

"Nope. Since the divorce, I have practically lived on pizza. But I'm a man, I can't really complain about a good pizza." He smiled and sat down on the couch.

She smiled a little and sat next to him on the couch.

"What do you wanna watch?" She said.

"Let's watch…Friends."

"You watch that? We have been together for 13 years and I have never known you to watch TV" She looked over at him smiling.

"It never came up in conversation I guess. It's actually one of my favorite shows."

"Mine too…" She said as she changed the channel to Friends.

Elliot smiled and looked over at her laughing at the tv screen. It was almost like he was seeing her in a new light, some how he has never seen this side of her before. He really enjoyed knowing there was more to explore with her.

Soon after the show had ended, they ate their pizza and both talked about the case for a few hours. By that time, they didn't even notice how quickly time was flying. Olivia yawned and Elliot looked over at her.

"You ready for bed?" He said.

"Yeah, I'm sorry. I guess I never even thought about where you would sleep."

"I'll just sleep on the floor in your room. It's not a big deal."

"Elliot come on…I'm fine by myself, and the floor is so uncomfortable."

"It's fine. Go get dressed and I'll be in a minute." Elliot said as he watched her go to her bedroom.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Elliot came into the room as soon as Olivia was in her pajamas and tucked into her bed. Elliot made a little bed on the floor next to hers. He shut off the light and tried to get some sleep.

"El?" Olivia whispered.

"Yeah?"

"Thank you, for being the best partner…"

He smiled a little to himself, "you're welcome Olivia, get some rest."

The next morning came and Olivia had awakened first and got coffee started.

"_You know what we want you to do…"_

Olivia gasped and dropped her coffee mug as she was completely startled by the dark manly voice.

"Go away. You're not real." Olivia said trying to be strong, she knew she could overcome this.

"Olivia what happened?" Elliot came in with just his pajama pants on, no shirt.

"Um, nothing, just an accident. I'm sorry." She bent down to start picking up the sharp glass.

"Here let me help." Elliot bent down beside her and slowly picked up each shard of glass with her.

"_Do it Olivia, take the glass and stab him…you know it's right."_

Olivia cringed hearing the voice again, but picked up the glass. "No" she said in a soft whisper.

"_Yes…do it now. He's evil."_

While Elliot had his backed turned to Olivia, throwing away the left over glass, Olivia slowly stepped towards him with glass in her hand.

"_Do it!"_

Olivia slowly pulled back her arm and was ready to strike Elliot until he turned around. "Liv what the hell are you doing?" He grabbed her arm and took the glass away. The voices immediately disappeared into oblivion when he brought her back to reality.

"I just…I was going to scare you. Bad joke, I'm sorry." She tried to lie her way through and make sure it wasn't that big of a deal.

"Yeah…" Elliot said throwing away the glass. "So do you still want some coffee? I'll get you a cup, go sit down on the couch and I'll bring it in."

"Thank you." She left the kitchen completely embarrassed.

Elliot put his hands on his hips in confusion and sighed. He went over and got out two cups and continued pouring coffee for Olivia. Taking the two cups, he walked over to the couch and handed her one. "Here, careful, it's hot."

"Thanks." She smiled softly at him and took her cup.

"So while you were asleep, I cleaned out the apartment of all the alcohol."

She turned her head quickly. "You did what?"

"It doesn't need to be in the house. And if you don't want to share with me whats wrong, then I figured I should start taking things away."

"El!"

"Don't El me." He put his hand on her leg. "I'm going to help you through this…no matter how much you'll hate me in the process. We can do it together, then everything can go back to normal."

She got teary eyed a little and looked down into her mug. "You just don't understand…"

"Then help me understand, Liv."

"I can't. Can we just watch a movie?"

Elliot sighed a little but was happy he was making some sort of connection with her. "Sure" he said.

Olivia turned on one of her favorite movies, You've Got Mail, and sat closely to Elliot. The two of them had so much fun laughing and enjoying each other's company during the movie. Hours had passed and Olivia managed to fall asleep on Elliot's shoulder peacefully. Elliot looked to his shoulder and smiled and smoothed her hair over. Picking her up quietly he carried her to her bedroom and he tucked her in like a child. Instead of sleeping on the floor tonight he managed to sneak on to the other side of her bed and was careful not to wake her. He thought this way he could keep a closer eye on her, and could feel if she were to wake up with a nightmare or something. He turned off the lights and looked over at her seeing something he had never seen in her before. True beauty.

Around one in the morning Olivia slowly sat up in her sleep. She got up slowly out of the bed and continued to walk down the hall, still sound asleep. She was sleepwalking, something she had never done before.

"_That's right, into the kitchen."_

She made her way like a zombie into the kitchen.

"_The knife."_

She slowly pulled a large knife out of a drawer and walked back towards the bedroom.

Elliot rolled over in his sleep and felt the emptiness of where Olivia was at, which woke him up. He rubbed his eyes a little to see Olivia standing in the doorway.

"Liv?"

Olivia kept silent as she held the large knife behind her back and walked slowly towards him.

"What are you doing up?"

"_Kill…"_

Olivia quickly pulled the knife from behind her back and went to stab Elliot directly in the chest. Elliot was trained to defend himself, so he just as quickly grabbed her wrist with the knife in hand and held her off. He flipped her onto her back on the bed, getting up and straddling her, he struggled to get the knife from her tight grasp. They wrestled with each other for a while before Elliot knocked the knife out of her hand and it flew across the room.

"Get a hold of yourself!" Elliot pinned her down to the bed as she kicked and screamed.

Elliot acted quickly and grabbed her from the bed carrying her into the shower with him and turning the water on ice cold, dousing them both in freezing water. "Wake up Liv!" he held her tightly as she gasped from the ice landing on her skin. Her eyes snapped open and she coughed as water got near her mouth. She screamed because it was so cold to the touch.

Elliot quickly turned off the water knowing she was awake and okay. She wiped her face off with her hands, starting to cry. Elliot grabbed her by her shoulders and moved the hair from her face.

"What the hell were you doing!?" He said still breathing heavily from the attack.

She cried and just hugged him tightly, shivering, not knowing how to react.

He sighed and held onto her as tight as he could, petting her hair softly and rubbing her back.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

They both had dried off from the shower and sat in the kitchen with towels over the shoulders, sipping some hot chocolate.

"So…how long have you been hearing these voices?" Elliot said looking into his drink.

"A few months…"

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"How was I supposed to tell you that, Elliot? You're the most important person to me."

"That's exactly why I should have known." He said looking up at her.

She looked up at him and gazed into his eyes. "I was scared…and I still am…"

He frowned. "You have to get help."

"I don't want to lose my job…"

"You know I wont let that happen. We will do everything we can to make sure you'll still be my partner, and that your voices stop."

She smiled with a little relief. "Okay, I'll go to the doctor."

"I'll call Cragen, tell him we are going to need a few more days."

She got up and went into her room to schedule an appointment with a psychiatrist while Elliot called Cragen and let him in on the news. Olivia came back out into the kitchen and smiled.

"I have an appointment this afternoon. Would you come with me?"

"Of course I will."

"I have a question…"

"Yeah?"

"Why were you in my bed last night?"

"I…just thought it would be easier to keep an eye on you."

"Mhm…" she smirked and left the room.

He smiled to himself and took a sip of his hot chocolate.

Olivia was getting changed out of her pajamas and decided to wear something slightly different than her normal work attired. Standing in her room naked she picked out a nice pair of blue jeans, and a gorgeous red blouse. As she was changing, Elliot was headed to her room to get himself changed as well. He stopped like a deer in the headlights when he saw Olivia slowly putting her bra on. He had never seen someone so naturally beautiful in all his life, not even when he was married to Kathy.

She turned around and screamed, covering her boobs, not knowing he was standing there. He jumped and covered his eyes "I didn't see anything, I swear!"

She put her shirt on quickly. "Well what were you doing?!"

"I was coming in to change!"

"You can look now." She said brushing the hair out of her face.

They both looked at each other and gave a little chuckle.

"I'm sorry…" He said smiling.

"No you're not." She said with a little smile, "I'll be in the car." She grabbed the keys and walked by him.

He smiled like a little boy with a cupcake to himself, then went and got dressed to meet Olivia in the car.

They both sat down across from the Psychiatrist, Jeff, in a nervous mess.

"So what brings you both in here today?"

"Well…for a few months now, I have been hearing some awful voices. Voices that have been suggesting me to kill Elliot." Olivia said softly as she looked over at Elliot.

"And Elliot is your husband am I correct?"

"Oh no, we are detectives. She's my partner." Elliot snapped very quickly.

"Oh…I just thought…never mind."

"Is there anything you can do for her?" Elliot said putting his hand on her leg.

"Well of course, but can I speak to Olivia alone for a moment?"

Elliot looked at Olivia and she nodded. He nodded back and got up to leave the room.

"How close are you and your partner, Detective?"

She widened her eyes "What does that have to do with my voices?"

"I'm not sure right now…but I feel like you're holding back from something."

"What do you mean, holding back?"

"I feel that you two are too close. I see something that both of you are completely oblivious to. He loves you, and I think you love him back."

Her mouth just hung open in complete and utter shock.

"With that being said, I think it's best if you both stop being partners…these voices are here for a reason. Now with proper medication and therapy, I can get them under control and help you live a completely normal life. But Elliot has to go…"

Olivia's eyes welled up with tears. "But we have been together for 13 years…I can't just be without him"

"I think it's medically for the best, as of right now."


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Olivia walked out of the room with a disappointed look upon her face.

"What did she say?" Elliot said standing up.

"I'll tell you in the car…okay?"

He walked her out to the car and got it started. "So what happened?"

"He said we can't be partners anymore…"

Elliot stepped on the brakes. "What? Why?"

"He said we are too close…and that I need a obvious break from you."

Elliot shook his head. "No, that's not true at all. Right?"

She looked at him and just shrugged.

"Is that…all he said about me?"

Olivia looked down and lied. "Yes."

Elliot pulled up outside her house and shut off the car. "I can't believe this."

Olivia grabbed the medication that the doctor had given her and put it into her purse. "Me either."

Elliot frowned, "look, I'll just call you tonight okay? Take your medicine and get some rest."

"Alright." Olivia got out of the car and watched Elliot drive away.

Olivia got inside her house and the things that the doctor told her about Elliot and being in love kept echoing through her head. Was he right or was he just full of crap? She reached in her purse and took her first dose of medication for the day, feeling a sense of relief that this mess could be solved for once. She laid down on her couch and turned the tv on to watch Friends and to let her mind think of something else for a while. But it could only work for so long…

Over at Elliot's house he too lay on his couch and turned on the TV. He saw they were showing Friends on tv, his favorite show, he kept the channel on Friends and was able to relax for the first time today.

As they both smiled and laughed at their televisions, Olivia came to an epiphany. What was she doing? Elliot HAS been the one, for over 13 years he has protected her through thick and thin. She shouldn't be watching this show alone, she should be with him. She had to go…

Elliot was restless in his apartment; he couldn't just lie still for one minute. He felt so badly about the things Olivia was going through and that he couldn't do anything to help her. He wanted so badly to just hug her and tell her that things were going to be okay, but the truth was, he didn't know if it was going to be okay. Then, he punched the wall in such a rage as he was going to the bathroom, then he heard a knock at the front door. We went to answer it

"Liv…what are you doing here?"


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Olivia stood outside his door and stared at him with urgency. Before she knew it, she grabbed onto him and was kissing him with more passion than anyone could ever imagine. He was taken aback by this but didn't even care. He shut the door and pinned her against it, kissing her neck softly. He pulled back away from her.

"What's gotten into you? What are you doing here?" He said catching his breath.

"I love you Elliot. You've always been there for me…even when I tried to kill you for gods sake. You are my partner, for better or worse, just like you always tell me."

He smiled at hearing that and pulled her in and kissed her with even more passion than before. "I'll always be here for you," he whispered in her ear. "No matter what you go through."

She smiled against his lips and they went back to his bedroom to enjoy a night of passion with each other for the very first time.

The next morning she woke up and was laying next to Elliot, he was so peaceful when he slept. She laid her hand on his chest and kissed his cheek.

"Good morning" she said softly.

"Well hi there…" he said with a smile.

"Last night was…"

"Everything I've been wanting and more." Elliot said and kissed her nose.

"I was thinking the same thing."

"I want you to know that everything I said last night was true. I'm always here for you, no matter what. And I'm going to be here until this whole Schizophrenia issue has been dealt with and put in the past. I know it won't completely disappear overnight, but I will help you through it. We will be back at work in no time"

"I love you." She said glowing.

"I love you too." Elliot said pulling her in closer.

**END**


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